Men cheat more than women, but only by a small margin, and that gap keeps shrinking with every new generation.
Around one in five married men and roughly 13 percent of married women confess to being involved romantically or physically with someone outside their marriage.
Betrayal doesn’t come with a manual, and most people feel lost trying to figure out what comes next on their own. They ask it after a betrayal, while trying to make sense of pain, blame, or fear.
At Vedder Counselling in Chilliwack and Salmon Arm, we work with individuals and couples through exactly this kind of pain every week.
How Many Men and Women Actually Cheat?
Infidelity statistics vary widely by age.
1. The Overall Gap: Who Cheats More
Men are more likely to cheat than women, but the difference is not as big as many people believe.
Studies show that 20% of married men and 13% of married women admit to being with someone other than their spouse.
This shows there is a gap, but it is much smaller than most people expect.
2. The Gap Flips at a Younger Age
Among adults aged 18 to 29, women report slightly higher rates of infidelity than men, around 11% compared to 10%. The gap reverses and widens steadily after that.
By the 60s and 70s, men report much higher cheating rates than women, with some surveys placing male infidelity in that age group close to 25%.
3. The Gender Gap Is Shrinking Every Generation
Researchers at the Institute for Family Studies, who analyzed decades of General Social Survey data, point out that the overall gap has been shrinking for years.
Men’s infidelity rates have dropped noticeably since the 1990s, while women’s rates have stayed roughly flat or risen slightly.
Cultural shifts, more financial independence for women, and changing attitudes toward marriage all play a role in that shift.
So the honest answer to “who cheats more” is: it depends on age, generation, and how broadly you define cheating in the first place.
4. Men and Women Cheat for Different Reasons
A University of Maryland study surveyed people who admitted to infidelity and identified eight common motivations, things like anger, low self-esteem, lack of love, neglect, and opportunity.
Men were more likely to cheat because of sexual desire, the pull of variety, or simply being in a tempting situation while traveling, drinking, or under stress.
Researchers describe this as situational and opportunity-driven, often having less to do with how happy the relationship is and more to do with impulse control in a specific moment.
Women were more likely to cheat because they felt neglected.
That single finding explains a lot of what therapists hear in session.
Men describe cheating as something that “just happened.”
Women more often describe a slow build of feeling unseen, unheard, or undervalued long before anything physical occurred.
5. Betrayal Hits Each Gender Differently, and It Takes a Real Mental Health Toll
Researchers studying jealousy have found that when men and women are asked to choose between two painful scenarios, their answers split sharply.
More than half of men say they would rather their partner fall in love with someone else than have relations with them.
Only about a third of women say the same. Sexual betrayal tends to wound men more deeply.
Emotional betrayal tends to wound women more deeply. Neither response is wrong; they just point to different things people need to feel safe in a relationship.
The mental health cost goes beyond which type of betrayal hurts more, though.
A large analysis of betrayal trauma survivors found that the closer the relationship, the deeper the psychological wound.
Many betrayed partners experience symptoms that closely resemble PTSD: intrusive thoughts, trouble sleeping, hypervigilance, a constant scanning for danger that used to feel like home.
The same research found something hopeful, though.
Strong social support significantly reduces the severity of those symptoms.
People who talk to someone, whether a friend, a support group, or a couples counsellor, recover with less long-term damage than people who try to carry it alone.
How to Cope If Your Partner Cheated on You?
Permit yourself to feel whatever you feel without rushing to fix it. Shock, rage, numbness, even relief, all of it is normal.
A few things help in the early days:
- Avoid big decisions in the first week or two. Don’t quit your job, don’t post about it online, don’t make permanent choices while your nervous system is still in crisis mode.
- Separate the statistics from your story. Knowing that “20% of men cheat” doesn’t tell you anything about why your specific relationship broke down. Your situation deserves its own honest look, not a national average.
- Tell at least one person you trust. Carrying this alone makes the recovery slower and harder.
How to Take Responsibility If You Cheated?
Resist the urge to explain yourself before the other person is ready to listen. In the early days, your partner needs to feel heard more than they need your reasoning.
A few things matter most if you’re trying to repair the damage:
- Get honest with yourself about which motivation actually fits: opportunity, neglect, anger, or something else, because that answer shapes what real change looks like.
- Stay consistent, not persuasive. Trust rebuilds in small, repeated moments, not in one apology or one grand gesture.
- Don’t expect forgiveness on a timeline. Healing moves at the pace of the person you hurt, not the pace of your guilt.
Talking to a Couples Counsellor Helps!
Knowing the data can bring relief, but it can’t replace the work of actually processing what happened to you or with you.
At Vedder Counselling in Chilliwack and Salmon Arm, the team often hears people say they wish they’d reached out sooner, not because they had it all figured out, but because they didn’t know where else to start.
Professional counselling gives you a steady, judgment-free space to sort through betrayal, guilt, or confusion, whichever side you are on.
Our professional counsellors work with individuals and couples across British Columbia who are trying to figure out what comes next.
If you are ready to talk to someone, book a session with Vedder Counselling today, in Chilliwack or Salmon Arm, and take that first step toward clarity.
People Also Ask
What percentage of men and women cheat in relationships?
Roughly 20% of married men and 13% of married women report having cheated, according to General Social Survey data analyzed by the Institute for Family Studies. That gap narrows or even reverses among younger adults under 30.
Why do men cheat more than women?
The overall gap is smaller than people assume, and it’s shrinking with each generation. Research suggests men more often cheat due to sexual desire or opportunity, while women more often cheat after feeling emotionally neglected for a long time.
How does infidelity affect mental health?
Discovering a partner’s infidelity can trigger symptoms similar to PTSD, including intrusive thoughts, hypervigilance, and trouble sleeping. Strong social support, including counselling, significantly reduces the severity and duration of these symptoms.
Why does it matter whether men or women cheat more?
The statistic itself rarely helps anyone heal. What matters more is understanding the specific reasons behind your situation, since emotional and sexual infidelity tend to come from very different root causes.
How can counselling help after someone cheats?
A counsellor offers a neutral space to process betrayal, guilt, or grief without the bias that friends and family naturally bring. Whether you choose to rebuild the relationship or walk away, therapy helps you make that decision with clarity instead of fear.
